Archive for faulty thinking

Lighten Up

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I am in contact with many people that are shy.  Sometimes these contacts are trying for me.  I can see that shy people take life a lot more seriously than I do.  I can also see that if you are shy and take things this seriously your life will be an uphill battle.

I honestly believe that you are making your life a lot harder than it is. 

Here is a recap of a recent contact with Jessica, a shy person.  Jessica was starting to get restless with her job.  Since Jessica is shy she limited her employment.  Interviews were difficult for her.  Since Jessica is shy she did not shine at interviews. 

Jessica also felt anxiety at interviews so when she landed a job she felt relieved.  It was not her dream job but at least the interviews would be over.

Jessica’s next challenge was to adjust to her new job.  This meant actually being able to communicate with her co workers.  Jessica was nervous about going to work.  She was not excited. She was anxious.  How would she handle communicating?

At some point Jessica got the hang of dealing with her co workers.  That basically meant Jessica had minimal interactions with them.  If the stress got too much Jessica hid in the bathroom.

Jessica was artistic.  She wanted to move into a more creative field of work.  Here is where Jessica got into serious and severe thinking. 

This is what went on in Jessica’s mind.

“I do not like this job anymore.  I want to leave.  I am bored here.  There is no advancement.  I want a more artistic job.  I will never get out of here.  I will never get another job.  I am not good enough to get another job.  I wasted my four years in college studying art.  I have no talent.  No one will hire me.”

As you can see this thinking is building upon itself.  It all started with the desire for a new job.  From there it turned into an anxiety fest and from there is turned into self deprecation.  All because Jessica is shy. 

Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes convoluted.  Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes fraught with worry, anguish, fear and self loathing. 

This is where it gets trying for me and hard for you if you are shy.  When you are shy this is where your and thoughts and feelings will become heightened and out of proportion.  However, since this is how you have lived your life you do not recognize that these thoughts and feelings are extreme.  To you they are natural.  To me they are over the top and I think you need to lighten up.

You need to stop re playing this tune in your head.   You need a new tune.  You need to quiet your mind.  You need to replace obsession with desire. 

I feel your pain.  What I do not feel is your determination and desire to move on and off these thoughts and feelings. 

Lighten up.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  When these thoughts come observe them and then tell them good bye. 

People that are not shy do not get enmeshed in these thoughts and feelings.  If they experience them they put them in their place.  And they let go of them. 

Let go.  Lighten up.  Don’t live your life with the burden of shyness.  You do not need this extra weight.  Your life does not have to be this serious.  Conserve your energy and relax your mind.

Get out of your head. Look for a better place to be.  

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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Make your Shyness Smaller

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I hope you have enjoyed reading the personal stories.  I am not a shy person.  Therefore, I like to include stories about experience, strength and hope from people that are or were shy.

I can also relate to these stories because I have felt shy in certain circumstances.  Some people do intimidate me.  Sometimes I have found these people scary with good reason.  Other times I just feel like I should not do too much talking around these people.  It could be that I have an instinctual response.  It may be that I feel we are not on the same wavelength.  It may be that their tone is not conducive to me wanting to share with them. 

I have not spent a lot of time analyzing this because I usually avoid these people.

So my question to you is do you experience this when you feel shy?  Do you get the impression that certain people are not the type you want to be around?  Perhaps this is not shyness but self preservation or self protection.

This week end may be a good time to analyze your shyness.  Perhaps you can eliminate some things that are not related to shyness.  Then you can make your shyness smaller and really work on it.  BIG PROBLEMS – BIG SOLUTIONS –  BIG WORK.  SMALL PROBLEMS  – SMALL SOLUTIONS  – SMALL WORK

Make your shyness smaller and work on it.  Help to do that is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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The Path of Least Resistance

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The Path of Least Resistance
 by: Author Unknown

  
Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a prosperous country. One day, he went for a trip to some distant areas of his country. When he was back to his palace, he complained that his feet were very painful, because it was the first time that he went for such a long trip, and the road that he went through was very rough and stony. He then ordered his people to cover every road of the entire country with leather. Definitely, this would need thousands of cows’ skin, and would cost a huge amount of money.

Then one of his wise servant dared himself to tell the king, “Why do you have to spend that unnecessary amount of money ? Why don’t you just cut a little piece of leather to cover your feet ?”

The king was surprised, but he later agreed to his suggestion, to make a “shoe” for himself.

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Kings, shoes, and shyness.  How does this all come together?  This story illustrates the worthwhile point of “the path of least resistance” 

In this story the king had a problem.  He walked many miles on a road filled with pebbles and rocks.  His feet hurt from the rough road.  His solution to this was to cover a long road with animal skins.  In order to do that he would need many people to help him do this.  It would be expensive.  It would be wasteful. 

Luckily the king encountered a wise, clear thinking servant who offered the king the “simple” solution…. “the path of least resistance.” 

Are you like the king?  Are you taking the hard, long, difficult way to overcoming your shyness.   Do you need a wise, knowing person to show you the effective way to deal with overcoming your shyness?  Here is the path of least resistance.  Take it and use it to overcome your shyness. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

PS  Share this with someone you know who may be seeking the path of least resistance

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Do you have a Choice

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A Recovering Pessimist’s Story  by: Emily Anne
 
 
Tonight my mother and I were driving down the road. She was speeding unintentionally as she often does. Now you can guess what happened next. She got pulled over. My mom was really embarrassed. She lives in a small town, and this could cause quite a bit of talk. Anyway, she was stressed and she snapped at me. I was extremely upset. Her comment had really hurt me, after all I was just trying to help.

Now, all you optimists out there are always saying things like “Oh, you can choose to be happy… it’s all in attitude and your mind…” Never seemed to apply to me. Tonight however, I learned the reality. Mother’s comment didn’t really hurt me any. It was understandable, and she was stressed at the time. Meant nothing. I chose to be happy. I like to think of myself as a “recovering pessimist.”

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This is a rather simple story.  Yet it is a deep story.  The same things probably happen to you over and over.  You react the same way over and over to these things.  The end result is you feel hurt, discouraged, frustrated, depressed, lonely and confused.  You just can not seem to see your shyness in  a new light. 

Can you actually “choose” to overcome your shyness when it stops you?  I believe you can.  “Choose”to  check out this report.  Make the choice to get help with your shyness.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 
 

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The Power of Words

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You are shy. That is a personality trait.  That is also a label.  Certainly there are some positive attributes to shyness.  You know about those and they are a part of you.  Of course there are some negatives aspects to shyness and of course they bug you. 

One of those negative attributes is that you do not say what you want to say.  You have something you want to say but you clam up.  For whatever reason you can not get the words out.  That is because you are shy, which is a label.  

Here is a thought to consider.  What is the label was changed to honest instead of shy?   What if you clammed up because you could not be honest?  How does that change the picture for you?

Now you are probably thinking you are an honest person.  You are probably thinking, “I am not a liar.”   But are you honest if you do not say what you believe and feel?

That is the power of words.  Replace shy with honest and the circumstances change.  Next time you call yourself shy replace that word with the words, “I am honest.”  See if now you can say what you want to.    See if now it is easier to say what you want to. 

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Tyra’s Faulty Thinking

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How does this statement hit you? Tyra said, “Yesterday my co worker cornered me. She did not stop talking. I am glad I am shy. I know people must appreciate me for my thoughtfulness.”

I guess what bothers me about this statement is Tyra’s example. The non stop talkers can be scary. Especially when they corner you. I have found there are two categories of the non stop talkers. There are the non stop talkers that you wish would just stop talking. And there are the non stop talkers that you enjoy listening but you have to get going. I am assuming that Tyra is describing the non stop talker that you want to run from.

The non stop talker you want to run from is not confident. They are people that have little control over how they present themselves. They are nervous. They are not aware of what they are actually saying. They are not aware of how they appear to most people. They lack self control. It is very difficult for them to stop talking. If you are shy and do not want to be shy you should not justify staying shy by comparing yourself with the non stop talker that you want to run from.

The other part of Tyra’s statement does not actually have anything to do with being shy. You do not have to be shy to be thoughtful.

I am not picking on Tyra. We all have faulty thinking at one time or another. What I am pointing out is you need to be on the look out for faulty thinking. At any time you may fall in the clutches of faulty thinking. At the time faulty thinking may serve you well. However, in the long run faulty thinking will not benefit you. So be on the look out when you engage in faulty thinking.

Sometimes you are not the originator of faulty thinking. Sometimes someone around may engage in faulty thinking. You may be deceived by this faulty thinking. Suppose they have faulty thinking about you? Should you fall for that? I say you better not. After all you have to deal with your own faulty thinking. You do not need someone else’s faulty thinking clouding your life.

There is another case where someone else’s faulty thinking may affect you. This has happened to me. They give you advice. You did not ask them for advice. They just give it to you. A lot of times when you get unsolicited advice “watch out.” I am not telling you to ignore it. I am only asking you examine it and see if it really applies to you. This advice will be attractive because it will appear that the advice giver is showing concern for you. They may be showing concern but their advice may not be appropriate for you. Too many times the advice givers have no idea what will work for you. They are speaking for themselves but they don’t always know that.

In review – Faulty thinking – we all do it.

YOUR Faulty thinking – be aware. notice and review.

OTHERS Faulty thinking – Enticing! Your may be taken in by their caring approach. don’t fall for outsider’s faulty thinking be extra aware and review.

Lastly if you are okay being shy then good for you. If you know you are not okay being shy then do not use faulty thinking to remain shy.

You comments are always welcome.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

 

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