Archive for shy

Lighten Up


I am in contact with many people that are shy.  Sometimes these contacts are trying for me.  I can see that shy people take life a lot more seriously than I do.  I can also see that if you are shy and take things this seriously your life will be an uphill battle.

I honestly believe that you are making your life a lot harder than it is. 

Here is a recap of a recent contact with Jessica, a shy person.  Jessica was starting to get restless with her job.  Since Jessica is shy she limited her employment.  Interviews were difficult for her.  Since Jessica is shy she did not shine at interviews. 

Jessica also felt anxiety at interviews so when she landed a job she felt relieved.  It was not her dream job but at least the interviews would be over.

Jessica’s next challenge was to adjust to her new job.  This meant actually being able to communicate with her co workers.  Jessica was nervous about going to work.  She was not excited. She was anxious.  How would she handle communicating?

At some point Jessica got the hang of dealing with her co workers.  That basically meant Jessica had minimal interactions with them.  If the stress got too much Jessica hid in the bathroom.

Jessica was artistic.  She wanted to move into a more creative field of work.  Here is where Jessica got into serious and severe thinking. 

This is what went on in Jessica’s mind.

“I do not like this job anymore.  I want to leave.  I am bored here.  There is no advancement.  I want a more artistic job.  I will never get out of here.  I will never get another job.  I am not good enough to get another job.  I wasted my four years in college studying art.  I have no talent.  No one will hire me.”

As you can see this thinking is building upon itself.  It all started with the desire for a new job.  From there it turned into an anxiety fest and from there is turned into self deprecation.  All because Jessica is shy. 

Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes convoluted.  Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes fraught with worry, anguish, fear and self loathing. 

This is where it gets trying for me and hard for you if you are shy.  When you are shy this is where your and thoughts and feelings will become heightened and out of proportion.  However, since this is how you have lived your life you do not recognize that these thoughts and feelings are extreme.  To you they are natural.  To me they are over the top and I think you need to lighten up.

You need to stop re playing this tune in your head.   You need a new tune.  You need to quiet your mind.  You need to replace obsession with desire. 

I feel your pain.  What I do not feel is your determination and desire to move on and off these thoughts and feelings. 

Lighten up.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  When these thoughts come observe them and then tell them good bye. 

People that are not shy do not get enmeshed in these thoughts and feelings.  If they experience them they put them in their place.  And they let go of them. 

Let go.  Lighten up.  Don’t live your life with the burden of shyness.  You do not need this extra weight.  Your life does not have to be this serious.  Conserve your energy and relax your mind.

Get out of your head. Look for a better place to be.  

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 


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Do you Have the “Guts”


The other day I received a note about a class action settlement that I was included in.  The settlement was idiotic and offered me no benefit.  It was a waste of time to fill out the forms to be in the settlement. 

However, it was not a waste of my time to write back explaining why I would not be in the settlement.

I joked to one of my friends that my rejection of the settlement letter would probably mark me as a “dissident” and I did not care.

My motivation and drive to express myself out weighed any false impressions or impressions that others may have of me.

Can this help you in overcoming your shyness?  Can your desire to express yourself outweigh your shyness? 

I know that if you are shy you are lacking the confidence to speak up.  The blunt way to say that is you lack the guts to speak up.  You lack the guts to say what you mean.  You lack the guts to stand up for yourself.  You motivation to express yourself is outweighed by your fear.

This may sound harsh but you know it is true. 

Living your life in fear is harsh.  It is also cruel to yourself.  What will people think of you if they actually get to know you?  No one knows because you do not let people get to know you.  You are motivated by your fear. 

Isn’t there something you truly believe in?  Isn’t it important for you to speak up?  Yes and you do not. 

Can you get real with yourself and experience that motivation.  Can you inspire yourself? 

Yes you can.  See how now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Something Beautiful

scan0013.jpg  I got this lovely video/audio clip from Thea Westra. 


Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Please Visit

I am inviting you to my site.  Drop by.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Face Your Fear

scan0013.jpg  I googled “shy”.  There were some sites about shy dogs.  It seems that shyness can be a problem with some dogs.  Shy dogs are not socialized.  They may be fear biters. 

So I thought about fear and shyness.  Fear is there.  It definitely plays a part in shyness. 

Fear is overwhelming.  It is also paralyzing.  It is rampant.  It makes you feel like…………

It can take over.  Face your fear.  Confront your fear.  Make your life serene. You have the power.

This is a photo I found that expresses fear.  Looks like there is some confusion also.  Fear and confusion can be together. 


 You don’t have to feel like this.  You do not have to see saw between fear and confusion.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Make your Shyness Smaller


I hope you have enjoyed reading the personal stories.  I am not a shy person.  Therefore, I like to include stories about experience, strength and hope from people that are or were shy.

I can also relate to these stories because I have felt shy in certain circumstances.  Some people do intimidate me.  Sometimes I have found these people scary with good reason.  Other times I just feel like I should not do too much talking around these people.  It could be that I have an instinctual response.  It may be that I feel we are not on the same wavelength.  It may be that their tone is not conducive to me wanting to share with them. 

I have not spent a lot of time analyzing this because I usually avoid these people.

So my question to you is do you experience this when you feel shy?  Do you get the impression that certain people are not the type you want to be around?  Perhaps this is not shyness but self preservation or self protection.

This week end may be a good time to analyze your shyness.  Perhaps you can eliminate some things that are not related to shyness.  Then you can make your shyness smaller and really work on it.  BIG PROBLEMS – BIG SOLUTIONS –  BIG WORK.  SMALL PROBLEMS  – SMALL SOLUTIONS  – SMALL WORK

Make your shyness smaller and work on it.  Help to do that is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Virgina Tech Tragedy

scan00137.jpg   For the past few days I have felt sad.  The reason for this sadness is the tragedy at Virginia Tech. 

There were many reports that Cho Seung-Hui who killed and wounded many was shy.  Please do not think that under any circumstances am I implying that shy people are potential killers. 

Cho suffered from many things and shyness was one of these things.  Being shy can be severe and cause suffering.  It does not go away by itself. 

There is no shame in being shy.  Being shy hurts you in ways people that are not shy probably can not understand.  People that are not shy have a difficult time understanding what it means to be shy and how it can impact your life. 

If you are shy you may be hurt by people who do not understand what you are experiencing.  This can be frustrating because you want to explain yourself but you can not.

It is important for you to understand that you can do something for yourself.  Caring and understanding from others is nice but that will not help you overcome your shyness.  It may help you feel better at the moment but it will not be lasting.  What will be lasting is for you feel better about yourself.

If shyness is truly impacting your life and hurting you please visit here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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