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Lighten Up


I am in contact with many people that are shy.  Sometimes these contacts are trying for me.  I can see that shy people take life a lot more seriously than I do.  I can also see that if you are shy and take things this seriously your life will be an uphill battle.

I honestly believe that you are making your life a lot harder than it is. 

Here is a recap of a recent contact with Jessica, a shy person.  Jessica was starting to get restless with her job.  Since Jessica is shy she limited her employment.  Interviews were difficult for her.  Since Jessica is shy she did not shine at interviews. 

Jessica also felt anxiety at interviews so when she landed a job she felt relieved.  It was not her dream job but at least the interviews would be over.

Jessica’s next challenge was to adjust to her new job.  This meant actually being able to communicate with her co workers.  Jessica was nervous about going to work.  She was not excited. She was anxious.  How would she handle communicating?

At some point Jessica got the hang of dealing with her co workers.  That basically meant Jessica had minimal interactions with them.  If the stress got too much Jessica hid in the bathroom.

Jessica was artistic.  She wanted to move into a more creative field of work.  Here is where Jessica got into serious and severe thinking. 

This is what went on in Jessica’s mind.

“I do not like this job anymore.  I want to leave.  I am bored here.  There is no advancement.  I want a more artistic job.  I will never get out of here.  I will never get another job.  I am not good enough to get another job.  I wasted my four years in college studying art.  I have no talent.  No one will hire me.”

As you can see this thinking is building upon itself.  It all started with the desire for a new job.  From there it turned into an anxiety fest and from there is turned into self deprecation.  All because Jessica is shy. 

Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes convoluted.  Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes fraught with worry, anguish, fear and self loathing. 

This is where it gets trying for me and hard for you if you are shy.  When you are shy this is where your and thoughts and feelings will become heightened and out of proportion.  However, since this is how you have lived your life you do not recognize that these thoughts and feelings are extreme.  To you they are natural.  To me they are over the top and I think you need to lighten up.

You need to stop re playing this tune in your head.   You need a new tune.  You need to quiet your mind.  You need to replace obsession with desire. 

I feel your pain.  What I do not feel is your determination and desire to move on and off these thoughts and feelings. 

Lighten up.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  When these thoughts come observe them and then tell them good bye. 

People that are not shy do not get enmeshed in these thoughts and feelings.  If they experience them they put them in their place.  And they let go of them. 

Let go.  Lighten up.  Don’t live your life with the burden of shyness.  You do not need this extra weight.  Your life does not have to be this serious.  Conserve your energy and relax your mind.

Get out of your head. Look for a better place to be.  

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 


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Quit Whining


I am a kind person.  Shy people contact me and tell me about their struggles.  I am empathetic.  I am caring.  I am sympathetic.  But am I being helpful?

Perhaps it is time I told you to stop whining.  Perhaps it is time I told you to either do something about your shyness or just live with it and stop obsessing over it. 

Perhaps it is time I told you that the complaining, whining, obsessing, and the “I can’t help myself attitudee” is over.  I don’t want to hear about it anymore.  Perhaps it is time you sang a new tune.

Perhaps those close to you are tired of hearing your laments.  Aren’t you tired of boring people with your problems? 

Most of all aren’t you tired of it?  Aren’t you tired of missing out?  Aren’t you tired of turningg people off?  Aren’t you tired of the suffering?  Aren’t you tired of the struggling? 

How tired are you?  How displeased are you? 

Take some action.  Let others know there is another side to you.  Dispel the myth you created about yourself.  Stop hiding.  Blossom.

Get help now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Do you Have the “Guts”


The other day I received a note about a class action settlement that I was included in.  The settlement was idiotic and offered me no benefit.  It was a waste of time to fill out the forms to be in the settlement. 

However, it was not a waste of my time to write back explaining why I would not be in the settlement.

I joked to one of my friends that my rejection of the settlement letter would probably mark me as a “dissident” and I did not care.

My motivation and drive to express myself out weighed any false impressions or impressions that others may have of me.

Can this help you in overcoming your shyness?  Can your desire to express yourself outweigh your shyness? 

I know that if you are shy you are lacking the confidence to speak up.  The blunt way to say that is you lack the guts to speak up.  You lack the guts to say what you mean.  You lack the guts to stand up for yourself.  You motivation to express yourself is outweighed by your fear.

This may sound harsh but you know it is true. 

Living your life in fear is harsh.  It is also cruel to yourself.  What will people think of you if they actually get to know you?  No one knows because you do not let people get to know you.  You are motivated by your fear. 

Isn’t there something you truly believe in?  Isn’t it important for you to speak up?  Yes and you do not. 

Can you get real with yourself and experience that motivation.  Can you inspire yourself? 

Yes you can.  See how now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Always a privilege to hear from you.  This blog is for you.

 Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Shyness a Personal Story


 This is someone’s personal experience with shyness.

“Center of Attention”
by Kevin Rhea

During high school I attended a weekly church class that was held informally in a family’s home. It was a group of about 15 kids, one girl was pregnant, a few kids were into drugs, and the rest were as “normal” as teenagers can be. While I dreaded going, usually it was OK due to the informality. I would speak when asked a question and was always interested in what others thought.

One week the leader (a priest) announced that class would be in the church along with some other class groups. About 40 of us were standing around in a circle and the priest chose me for a demonstration. He asked me to hold a wooden chair out in front of my body as long as I could. I performed the task and he timed me.

Next, I was to repeat the task and everyone was to cheer me on. “Come on Kevin,” “You can do it” they shouted. I was very uncomfortable being yelled at and being the center of all this attention. I was grateful when my arms gave out and could let the chair rest back on the ground.

The priest looked at his watch and seemed puzzled. He stammered some words like “The time is shorter, it is suppose to be longer….”. He did not know what to say. I did not know what to do. The demonstration was ruined. The rest is a blur.

It seems the point of his demonstration was to show how teamwork, encouragement, and supporting others could really help accomplish a task. I was suppose to hold the chair longer when people were cheering me on — much longer. Instead, I could not wait to let the chair drop and be free of all this unwanted attention.

I have reflected on this moment many times over the years. Obviously the priest assumed that everyone needed the same kind of encouragement and cheering on. He did not recognize that people have different natures.

Looking back, I would say that for a sensitive person, mine was a normal reaction. The kids were not cheering me on because they wanted to help me; they did so because they were told to. No one asked me how I would like to be helped. No one even asked me if I wanted to do the demonstration. Perhaps the chair would have seemed lighter had these been true friends wanting to help me in a meaningful task. Perhaps a more sensitive group would have asked me if I wanted to do the demonstration and what kind of cheering on would be best for me.

When true appreciation and support are present, I am more open to both giving and receiving and even enjoy being the center of attention.

This true story demonstrates the principle that You are not like everyone else.

Stories tha t Transform Shyness

Copyright 1999 by KeviN Rhea   All Rights Reserved.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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True Story from a Shy Person

scan001313.jpg   I found a great post for you by Gary.  He describes himself as shy.  He discovered a technique that helped him.  Please read about his experience.

If you are ready to free yourself please visit here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Virgina Tech Tragedy

scan00137.jpg   For the past few days I have felt sad.  The reason for this sadness is the tragedy at Virginia Tech. 

There were many reports that Cho Seung-Hui who killed and wounded many was shy.  Please do not think that under any circumstances am I implying that shy people are potential killers. 

Cho suffered from many things and shyness was one of these things.  Being shy can be severe and cause suffering.  It does not go away by itself. 

There is no shame in being shy.  Being shy hurts you in ways people that are not shy probably can not understand.  People that are not shy have a difficult time understanding what it means to be shy and how it can impact your life. 

If you are shy you may be hurt by people who do not understand what you are experiencing.  This can be frustrating because you want to explain yourself but you can not.

It is important for you to understand that you can do something for yourself.  Caring and understanding from others is nice but that will not help you overcome your shyness.  It may help you feel better at the moment but it will not be lasting.  What will be lasting is for you feel better about yourself.

If shyness is truly impacting your life and hurting you please visit here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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