Lighten Up

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I am in contact with many people that are shy.  Sometimes these contacts are trying for me.  I can see that shy people take life a lot more seriously than I do.  I can also see that if you are shy and take things this seriously your life will be an uphill battle.

I honestly believe that you are making your life a lot harder than it is. 

Here is a recap of a recent contact with Jessica, a shy person.  Jessica was starting to get restless with her job.  Since Jessica is shy she limited her employment.  Interviews were difficult for her.  Since Jessica is shy she did not shine at interviews. 

Jessica also felt anxiety at interviews so when she landed a job she felt relieved.  It was not her dream job but at least the interviews would be over.

Jessica’s next challenge was to adjust to her new job.  This meant actually being able to communicate with her co workers.  Jessica was nervous about going to work.  She was not excited. She was anxious.  How would she handle communicating?

At some point Jessica got the hang of dealing with her co workers.  That basically meant Jessica had minimal interactions with them.  If the stress got too much Jessica hid in the bathroom.

Jessica was artistic.  She wanted to move into a more creative field of work.  Here is where Jessica got into serious and severe thinking. 

This is what went on in Jessica’s mind.

“I do not like this job anymore.  I want to leave.  I am bored here.  There is no advancement.  I want a more artistic job.  I will never get out of here.  I will never get another job.  I am not good enough to get another job.  I wasted my four years in college studying art.  I have no talent.  No one will hire me.”

As you can see this thinking is building upon itself.  It all started with the desire for a new job.  From there it turned into an anxiety fest and from there is turned into self deprecation.  All because Jessica is shy. 

Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes convoluted.  Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes fraught with worry, anguish, fear and self loathing. 

This is where it gets trying for me and hard for you if you are shy.  When you are shy this is where your and thoughts and feelings will become heightened and out of proportion.  However, since this is how you have lived your life you do not recognize that these thoughts and feelings are extreme.  To you they are natural.  To me they are over the top and I think you need to lighten up.

You need to stop re playing this tune in your head.   You need a new tune.  You need to quiet your mind.  You need to replace obsession with desire. 

I feel your pain.  What I do not feel is your determination and desire to move on and off these thoughts and feelings. 

Lighten up.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  When these thoughts come observe them and then tell them good bye. 

People that are not shy do not get enmeshed in these thoughts and feelings.  If they experience them they put them in their place.  And they let go of them. 

Let go.  Lighten up.  Don’t live your life with the burden of shyness.  You do not need this extra weight.  Your life does not have to be this serious.  Conserve your energy and relax your mind.

Get out of your head. Look for a better place to be.  

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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11 Comments »

  1. Sean said

    I understand the anxiety of the job interview. It has meant that I have failed to get jobs that I really wanted and have stayed in other jobs that I didn’t for longer than I should have.

  2. sean,
    the job interview is a necessary evil. however, it is the first step to getting a better job, whatever that means to you.

    please do whatever you can to lessen your anxiety as an interviewer will pick up on that and possibly make a false assumption about you and your abilities.

    good luck.

  3. Dee said

    Hi,

    I’ve just found your blog. I look forward to reading more.

  4. hi dee,
    enjoy and i hope that you find some help and benefit from my blog.
    welcome as a reader.

  5. sarahjane said

    hey im in high school but i really need your help ok three years ago i moved to mass and i really couldnt find anybody that i could relate tooo and its really hard for me to open up to people ….cause i dont know how to be myself around them and i want to make new friends but im really too shy to open up and be myself ….the friends that i have are really not like me and i dont know what too say too them most of them time ….i feel alone and life and i need your help on overcoming my shyness

  6. gavin said

    pls help me i can’t talk to any strangers specially opposite sex.shyness id ruining my life pls help………

  7. Gavin and Sarahjane,
    Please read my blog and practice. I hear your cry for help. So now roll up your sleeves and try some of my tips.

    Good Luck

  8. I read your post about Jessica and recognised someone who has a script in their head that gets read over and over in response to stressful situations. It is like a tape loop that goes round and round.

    What this person needs is strategies to employ when faced with trigger situations.

    A good place to look is http://www.tips-for-overcoming-shyness.com

  9. Thanks Robert for your input. Yes you are correct about that “tape.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a stop button and a way to put a new tape in?

    Strategies are needed when there is a trigger. The issue I find with “shyness” is that shy people feel so overwhelmed that they do not get started. They give up or rationalize. So first they need to break down their behavior and emotions to recognize that trigger instead of repsonding and reacting to the trigger in a way that will not beneift them.

    Perhaps your program will help shy people get started on this process.

  10. Eamon O'Leary said

    dear who ever

    I am 13 and am in junior high. Times for me are tough with friends and social interaction. It seems that i never have to go to dances or make new friends and that i am always scared. Its hard for me to interact with the more “popular kids” and its hard talking to them with no confidence. Please email me because i need help before things get worse

    Thank you very much Eamon O’Leary

  11. kricha01 said

    Putting an end to shyness seems a tough job until a person takes up a few important measures. The link below provides a simple guide to it
    http://kricha01.wordpress.com/2010/09/30/how-to-overcome-shyness/

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