Archive for shyness

Lighten Up

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I am in contact with many people that are shy.  Sometimes these contacts are trying for me.  I can see that shy people take life a lot more seriously than I do.  I can also see that if you are shy and take things this seriously your life will be an uphill battle.

I honestly believe that you are making your life a lot harder than it is. 

Here is a recap of a recent contact with Jessica, a shy person.  Jessica was starting to get restless with her job.  Since Jessica is shy she limited her employment.  Interviews were difficult for her.  Since Jessica is shy she did not shine at interviews. 

Jessica also felt anxiety at interviews so when she landed a job she felt relieved.  It was not her dream job but at least the interviews would be over.

Jessica’s next challenge was to adjust to her new job.  This meant actually being able to communicate with her co workers.  Jessica was nervous about going to work.  She was not excited. She was anxious.  How would she handle communicating?

At some point Jessica got the hang of dealing with her co workers.  That basically meant Jessica had minimal interactions with them.  If the stress got too much Jessica hid in the bathroom.

Jessica was artistic.  She wanted to move into a more creative field of work.  Here is where Jessica got into serious and severe thinking. 

This is what went on in Jessica’s mind.

“I do not like this job anymore.  I want to leave.  I am bored here.  There is no advancement.  I want a more artistic job.  I will never get out of here.  I will never get another job.  I am not good enough to get another job.  I wasted my four years in college studying art.  I have no talent.  No one will hire me.”

As you can see this thinking is building upon itself.  It all started with the desire for a new job.  From there it turned into an anxiety fest and from there is turned into self deprecation.  All because Jessica is shy. 

Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes convoluted.  Suddenly the desire for a new job becomes fraught with worry, anguish, fear and self loathing. 

This is where it gets trying for me and hard for you if you are shy.  When you are shy this is where your and thoughts and feelings will become heightened and out of proportion.  However, since this is how you have lived your life you do not recognize that these thoughts and feelings are extreme.  To you they are natural.  To me they are over the top and I think you need to lighten up.

You need to stop re playing this tune in your head.   You need a new tune.  You need to quiet your mind.  You need to replace obsession with desire. 

I feel your pain.  What I do not feel is your determination and desire to move on and off these thoughts and feelings. 

Lighten up.  Stop taking yourself so seriously.  When these thoughts come observe them and then tell them good bye. 

People that are not shy do not get enmeshed in these thoughts and feelings.  If they experience them they put them in their place.  And they let go of them. 

Let go.  Lighten up.  Don’t live your life with the burden of shyness.  You do not need this extra weight.  Your life does not have to be this serious.  Conserve your energy and relax your mind.

Get out of your head. Look for a better place to be.  

Help is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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Quit Whining

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I am a kind person.  Shy people contact me and tell me about their struggles.  I am empathetic.  I am caring.  I am sympathetic.  But am I being helpful?

Perhaps it is time I told you to stop whining.  Perhaps it is time I told you to either do something about your shyness or just live with it and stop obsessing over it. 

Perhaps it is time I told you that the complaining, whining, obsessing, and the “I can’t help myself attitudee” is over.  I don’t want to hear about it anymore.  Perhaps it is time you sang a new tune.

Perhaps those close to you are tired of hearing your laments.  Aren’t you tired of boring people with your problems? 

Most of all aren’t you tired of it?  Aren’t you tired of missing out?  Aren’t you tired of turningg people off?  Aren’t you tired of the suffering?  Aren’t you tired of the struggling? 

How tired are you?  How displeased are you? 

Take some action.  Let others know there is another side to you.  Dispel the myth you created about yourself.  Stop hiding.  Blossom.

Get help now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Do you Have the “Guts”

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The other day I received a note about a class action settlement that I was included in.  The settlement was idiotic and offered me no benefit.  It was a waste of time to fill out the forms to be in the settlement. 

However, it was not a waste of my time to write back explaining why I would not be in the settlement.

I joked to one of my friends that my rejection of the settlement letter would probably mark me as a “dissident” and I did not care.

My motivation and drive to express myself out weighed any false impressions or impressions that others may have of me.

Can this help you in overcoming your shyness?  Can your desire to express yourself outweigh your shyness? 

I know that if you are shy you are lacking the confidence to speak up.  The blunt way to say that is you lack the guts to speak up.  You lack the guts to say what you mean.  You lack the guts to stand up for yourself.  You motivation to express yourself is outweighed by your fear.

This may sound harsh but you know it is true. 

Living your life in fear is harsh.  It is also cruel to yourself.  What will people think of you if they actually get to know you?  No one knows because you do not let people get to know you.  You are motivated by your fear. 

Isn’t there something you truly believe in?  Isn’t it important for you to speak up?  Yes and you do not. 

Can you get real with yourself and experience that motivation.  Can you inspire yourself? 

Yes you can.  See how now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Something Beautiful

scan0013.jpg  I got this lovely video/audio clip from Thea Westra. 

Enjoy.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Face Your Fear

scan0013.jpg  I googled “shy”.  There were some sites about shy dogs.  It seems that shyness can be a problem with some dogs.  Shy dogs are not socialized.  They may be fear biters. 

So I thought about fear and shyness.  Fear is there.  It definitely plays a part in shyness. 

Fear is overwhelming.  It is also paralyzing.  It is rampant.  It makes you feel like…………

It can take over.  Face your fear.  Confront your fear.  Make your life serene. You have the power.

This is a photo I found that expresses fear.  Looks like there is some confusion also.  Fear and confusion can be together. 

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 You don’t have to feel like this.  You do not have to see saw between fear and confusion.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Make your Shyness Smaller

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I hope you have enjoyed reading the personal stories.  I am not a shy person.  Therefore, I like to include stories about experience, strength and hope from people that are or were shy.

I can also relate to these stories because I have felt shy in certain circumstances.  Some people do intimidate me.  Sometimes I have found these people scary with good reason.  Other times I just feel like I should not do too much talking around these people.  It could be that I have an instinctual response.  It may be that I feel we are not on the same wavelength.  It may be that their tone is not conducive to me wanting to share with them. 

I have not spent a lot of time analyzing this because I usually avoid these people.

So my question to you is do you experience this when you feel shy?  Do you get the impression that certain people are not the type you want to be around?  Perhaps this is not shyness but self preservation or self protection.

This week end may be a good time to analyze your shyness.  Perhaps you can eliminate some things that are not related to shyness.  Then you can make your shyness smaller and really work on it.  BIG PROBLEMS – BIG SOLUTIONS –  BIG WORK.  SMALL PROBLEMS  – SMALL SOLUTIONS  – SMALL WORK

Make your shyness smaller and work on it.  Help to do that is here.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Break Free

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 ” Throughout my life, my friends and folks have offered me advice. And though they meant the best for me, it often wasn’t nice. They would always say my plans were just more crazy schemes. And every time I listened, I let them steal my dreams. I guess they feared, in case I failed, that I really shouldn’t try. So I never spread my wings and never learned to fly. But they’re just folks who only see the world the way it seems, and I am no longer going to let those people steal my dreams.”
Author Unknown

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 — Submitted by Ruben Chambers — Texas
I know that there are many people out there that want to do so much more. Deep down, they know that they are capable of accomplishing their dreams but sadly it is the mediocre minds that bring them right back down. I just want to let people know to go after them! Don’t let the dream stealers bring you down.

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Is this you?  Are you stopped by what others say?  Break the bonds of other people’s influence.  Be yourself.  Do what you wantYou can overcome your shyness.

Marcia, Your confidence Coach 
 

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