Archive for facing fear

Do you Have the “Guts”


The other day I received a note about a class action settlement that I was included in.  The settlement was idiotic and offered me no benefit.  It was a waste of time to fill out the forms to be in the settlement. 

However, it was not a waste of my time to write back explaining why I would not be in the settlement.

I joked to one of my friends that my rejection of the settlement letter would probably mark me as a “dissident” and I did not care.

My motivation and drive to express myself out weighed any false impressions or impressions that others may have of me.

Can this help you in overcoming your shyness?  Can your desire to express yourself outweigh your shyness? 

I know that if you are shy you are lacking the confidence to speak up.  The blunt way to say that is you lack the guts to speak up.  You lack the guts to say what you mean.  You lack the guts to stand up for yourself.  You motivation to express yourself is outweighed by your fear.

This may sound harsh but you know it is true. 

Living your life in fear is harsh.  It is also cruel to yourself.  What will people think of you if they actually get to know you?  No one knows because you do not let people get to know you.  You are motivated by your fear. 

Isn’t there something you truly believe in?  Isn’t it important for you to speak up?  Yes and you do not. 

Can you get real with yourself and experience that motivation.  Can you inspire yourself? 

Yes you can.  See how now.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach


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Face Your Fear

scan0013.jpg  I googled “shy”.  There were some sites about shy dogs.  It seems that shyness can be a problem with some dogs.  Shy dogs are not socialized.  They may be fear biters. 

So I thought about fear and shyness.  Fear is there.  It definitely plays a part in shyness. 

Fear is overwhelming.  It is also paralyzing.  It is rampant.  It makes you feel like…………

It can take over.  Face your fear.  Confront your fear.  Make your life serene. You have the power.

This is a photo I found that expresses fear.  Looks like there is some confusion also.  Fear and confusion can be together. 


 You don’t have to feel like this.  You do not have to see saw between fear and confusion.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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Still Shy?

scan001320.jpg  I just had a thought.  Perhaps you are shy and you are not able to overcome your shyness.

 Maybe you have multiple issues.  Are you also experiencing depression? 

Or perhaps you are procrastinating in dealing with your shyness.

Maybe you feel you lack confidence.

There are answers for all of these issues. 

Take a look and see if there is help for your issues.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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Shyness a Personal Story


 This is someone’s personal experience with shyness.

“Center of Attention”
by Kevin Rhea

During high school I attended a weekly church class that was held informally in a family’s home. It was a group of about 15 kids, one girl was pregnant, a few kids were into drugs, and the rest were as “normal” as teenagers can be. While I dreaded going, usually it was OK due to the informality. I would speak when asked a question and was always interested in what others thought.

One week the leader (a priest) announced that class would be in the church along with some other class groups. About 40 of us were standing around in a circle and the priest chose me for a demonstration. He asked me to hold a wooden chair out in front of my body as long as I could. I performed the task and he timed me.

Next, I was to repeat the task and everyone was to cheer me on. “Come on Kevin,” “You can do it” they shouted. I was very uncomfortable being yelled at and being the center of all this attention. I was grateful when my arms gave out and could let the chair rest back on the ground.

The priest looked at his watch and seemed puzzled. He stammered some words like “The time is shorter, it is suppose to be longer….”. He did not know what to say. I did not know what to do. The demonstration was ruined. The rest is a blur.

It seems the point of his demonstration was to show how teamwork, encouragement, and supporting others could really help accomplish a task. I was suppose to hold the chair longer when people were cheering me on — much longer. Instead, I could not wait to let the chair drop and be free of all this unwanted attention.

I have reflected on this moment many times over the years. Obviously the priest assumed that everyone needed the same kind of encouragement and cheering on. He did not recognize that people have different natures.

Looking back, I would say that for a sensitive person, mine was a normal reaction. The kids were not cheering me on because they wanted to help me; they did so because they were told to. No one asked me how I would like to be helped. No one even asked me if I wanted to do the demonstration. Perhaps the chair would have seemed lighter had these been true friends wanting to help me in a meaningful task. Perhaps a more sensitive group would have asked me if I wanted to do the demonstration and what kind of cheering on would be best for me.

When true appreciation and support are present, I am more open to both giving and receiving and even enjoy being the center of attention.

This true story demonstrates the principle that You are not like everyone else.

Stories tha t Transform Shyness

Copyright 1999 by KeviN Rhea   All Rights Reserved.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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What are you Hiding?


 Hello  people that are shy.  If you are worried, scared, and uncomfortable telling what is true for you then please read on.  I found this enchanting story.  Read it and then think about what greatness in your life you are depriving yourself of because you stay shy and do not speak about what is true for you.

This story will show you the importance of being honest (YOURSELF) 

Emperor’s Seed, The
 By: Author Unknown, Source Unknown

Once there was an emperor in the Far East who was growing old and knew it was coming time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or one of his own children, he decided to do something different.

He called all the young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, “It has come time for me to step down and to choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you.” The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. “I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One seed. It is a very special seed. I want you to go home, plant the seed, water it and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring to me, and the one I choose will be the next emperor of the kingdom!”

There was one boy named Ling who was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the whole story. She helped him get a pot and some planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown.

After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow. Ling kept going home and checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by. Still nothing.

By now others were talking about their plants but Ling didn’t have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling’s pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn’t say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn’t going to take an empty pot. But she encouraged him to go, and to take his pot, and to be honest about what happened. Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace.

When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by all the other youths. They were beautiful, in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, “Hey nice try.”

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. “My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown,” said the emperor. “Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!”

All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. “The emperor knows I’m a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!”

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. “My name is Ling,” he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, “Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!” Ling couldn’t believe it. Ling couldn’t even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, “One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grown, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!”

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach 

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Are you Chicken


I changed the theme of this blog.  I like the new theme.  It is very clean and eye appealing. How do you like it?

No photo today.  My computer is being reformatted. 

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  Everyone will be writing about Valentine’s Day so I have chosen to skip it.  I am actually not fond of the holiday.  It creates misery for so many people.  I have a sweetie so I am not bitter.  I am also not romantic.  I am a practical person.  If my birthday falls on a busy day I would re schedule for a less busy day.  I had an ulterior motive for this.  The tradition in our family is that birthdays are celebrated excessively with utmost attention.  When it is your birthday the other immediate family members have to do anything you ask for 24 hours.  If it is a busy day you could miss out on that 24 hours of devotion. 

Valentine’s Day is slooshy to me.  My belief is you better love me and show it more than one day of the year.  As a matter of fact you can mess up just as long as the love, kindness, appreciation, caring is around most of the time.  Besides if my sweetie is so wonderful on Valentine’s Day then I may have to raise my standards for the rest of the year.  That can only lead to disappointment.  My sweetie loves Valentine’s Day.  So we have to celebrate it.  But we will re schedule it if we are too busy or stressed or tired.    So back to are you chicken?  If you are shy you are afraid from time to time.  However, I am not asking if you are chicken when you feel shy.  I am asking you if you ever asked yourself if you are chicken to give up your shyness.  I know you would rather not be shy in certain situations.  I also think you believe that you will have to stay shy.  Suppose I told you that you do not have to stay shy.  Would you believe me?  Are you too chicken to imagine your life not being shy? I am asking you this question in all sincerity.  A while ago I was not feeling my personal best.  A friend asked me what my life would look like if I was feeling better.  I did not have an answer.  I was puzzled.  Then I thought about how my life would look if I was feeling better.  I was not happy with those thoughts.  Why?  Because I did not believe my life could be better.  It was bad.  Any time I thought about how my life would look if I felt better I snickered.  I could not accept.  I was chicken to make my life better.  Once I figured that out I felt better.  I realized that refusing to believe that my life could get better was because I was afraid of doing what I had to do to make it better.  I was chicken. 

So are you chicken when it comes to doing something about being shy? If you are then learn from my mistake.  Don’t cover up being chicken with rationalizations and stalls.  I took a look at myself in the mirror and I saw I was chicken.  I took another look in the mirror and saw I could stop being chicken. 

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