Extreme Self Consciousness



If you are shy you feel self conscious at times. I researched “self conscious” in Wikipedia.

Self-consciousness is an acute sense of self-awareness. It is a preoccupation with oneself, rather than the philosophical state of self-awareness, which is the awareness that one exists as an individual being. An unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness occurs when we realize that we are being watched or observed, the feeling that “everyone is looking” at us. Some people are habitually more self-conscious than others. Feelings of self-consciousness are sometimes associated with shyness or paranoia.



When feeling self-conscious, one becomes aware of even the smallest of one’s own actions. Such awareness can impair one’s ability to perform complex actions. For example, a piano player may “choke“, lose confidence, and even lose the ability to perform at the moment they notice the audience. This is a function of the psychological phenomenon of social facilitation. As self-consciousness fades one may regain the ability to “lose one’s self“. A person with a chronic tendency toward self-consciousness may be shy or introverted.

Unlike self-awareness, self-consciousness can be a problem at times. It is often associated with shyness and embarrassment, and can affect self-esteem. Psychologists frequently distinguish between two kinds of self-consciousness, private and public. Private self-consciousness is a tendency to introspect and examine one’s inner self and feelings. Public self-consciousness is an awareness of the self as it is viewed by others. This kind of self-consciousness can result in self-monitoring and social anxiety.

This does not sound like a pleasant way to feel. It seems like an energy drainer. It seems that while this is going on in your head not much else could be happening. It seems restrictive. It seems obsessive. Of course you know this. You experience this. I found a great article by Peter Murphy n how to deal with this.

How To Stop Feeling Self Conscious
By Peter Murphy

When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on yourself, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance.

The secret then to dealing with this problem is to become other conscious.

If all you do is shift your focus from self to others you will communicate better, perform better and become a far better listener.

Another positive consequence is that other people will enjoy spending time with you because it is so obvious you give them your complete attention.

Your goal is to become so fascinated by other people that your focus is on what they say, how they say it and why they say it.

6 Tips for Becoming Other Conscious:

1. Pay attention to the way people breathe, watch closely and observe the relationship between breathing and speaking.

2. Listen not just to what people say but the way they say it. Pay very close attention to speech patterns, changes in tempo, volume and tone.

3. Ask thoughtful questions to understand the way others think. Really strive to grasp why others think what they think.

4. Whenever your focus shifts back to the way you are behaving ask yourself questions about the other person so you need to pay attention to him e.g.

– What does he really mean by that?

– How does he manage to be so boring?

– How does she keep people so entranced with her words?

5. Use your imagination to change your mood and to keep your mind too occupied to be self-conscious.

You could for example imagine that the people you are talking to are wearing no clothes or inappropriate clothes. Why not have some fun, feel good and still enjoy a good conversation?

You owe it to yourself to find as many ways as possible to feel good. As I have said before excellent communication skills are more dependant on your mental and emotional states than on clever language patterns.

6. Use affirmations to condition a new belief about your ability to be relaxed and other conscious. For example:

– I am fascinated by the way people talk
– I give my complete attention to whoever I talk to
– I am an excellent conversationalist
– I feel fantastic when I meet new people

Use these 6 tips each day and you will be amazed at how quickly you become more confident with others.

Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm

Let me know how this works for you.

Marcia, Your Confidence Coach



  1. Thanks for information.
    many interesting things

  2. Yeah.. said

    Yeah but what if you are extremely self consious, as well as being extremely concious to others thoughts and actions at the same time? Being extremely self-concious, as I am, is not the only problem. Watching other people’s consciousness is not always easier to watch.

    I hate psychology 🙂

  3. Ok… I have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember… I always thought it would go away but I’m now 26 with a 6 month old baby and the most wonderful husband… I am so tired of being consumed with self consiousness! It has made me jealous and envious and I cant even enjoy sex because my mind wont shut up! I cant even look my husband in the eye when we make love… the lights HAVE to be off and I have to be buzzed in order to relax and MAYBE have an orgasm. I don;t want to be on top because i dont want him to se my facial expressions… I dont know who i am anymore becuase i feel like im always putting on a show, so to speak. I am so exhausted! And always being aware of how others are feeling is so tiring because i tend to cater to their emotions and needs. this is ridiculous!!!!!!!!! What can be done… I need answers… I dont want to live like this anymore!

    nice to know im not the only one…

  4. Rob Higgins said

    Yes,extreme self consiousness is a preoccupation with oneself.Strangely enough I only realised this myself recently.I am 46 & this has affected my quality of life since I was 12-13.I put it down to lack of parental recognition /attention when I was younger but whatever the cause that’s not important now.I knew it controlled my life,suicide was never far from my thoughts.I realised how bad this preoccupation with myself had become only recently when I went for my usual jog around the river.I realised that I was okay running until I came across another person,then the automatic trigger would go off,I imagine they are noticing me(quite true)but I would try & control what I thought they were thinking of me,realising how absurd that is for the first time I admonished myself for such stupidity,strange thing is,being aware of what I was doing is not enough to stop doing it .I still kept doing it seemingly involuntarily,basically subconsiously.I then realised I was doing this every minute of my life.I was totally preoccupied with myself.Having finally realised what has been my problem all these years I am on the road to becoming a real person .As I realised then the answer is to focus back on other people as Peter Murphy describes above,exactly right.I am but a small fish in a big pond,not the only fish.
    I hope someone can benefit from this.

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  6. i love this blog thanks a lottttttttttttt ^_^ ^_^ 😀

  7. 😀 😀
    😀 😀

  8. =))

  9. jake said

    i dont have enough time to thank you but i feel like i owe you my life thanks a million for letting me know this!!! guys we have to meditate each day and often. science hasnt came far enough to understand but we people have hope!

    you are not a left over negative from childhood! meditation changes brain

    if i meditate i sense the self concious habit gone. smoke weed and its gone for hour

  10. Dani said

    I have been sufferring from same for about 17 years now. I have been meditating and searching and no matter what understanding you i develop it doesnt seem to go away. I have been introspecting myself and found that even my thoughts are self consciousness. I take consideration of what others may think about this thought… I am litererary possed off…

  11. Janet said

    er, yeah, what you all said….!! thanks for writing it all down & letting me know i’m not the only one. it does seem to be a side-effect of being very sensitive & i like what Yeah said about being constantly conscious of how other people are feeling too, it makes people hard work & i get quite hibernatey if i can get away with it. i’m realising how much of all my interactions with others & myself it’s affected, but also seeing chinks of light where i knew i didn’t need to be like that & i guess them’s the bits to develop. i think the sensitivity is a gift as it has other aspects like empathy & perhaps awareness of the world in depth. i hate the feeling of just slightly redesigning myself to suit who i’m around, it’s awful & i won’t do another day of it, now that i;m getting some understanding. one website said,”just let your behaviour flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter – not their consideration of you.” (wikiHow) onwards people & hooray for having the balls to look at it 😉

  12. […] to relax. Have faith in yourself and believe that you have nothing to feel shy about. Do not feel too self-conscious all the time. Eventually you will be able to stop being shy. filed under > How To Stop How to Stop […]

  13. tushar chopra said

    hey, i have been having anxiety attacks since 3 years now…
    i remember it all happened all of a sudden one day, i suddenly became very concious of life, it was like self awareness struck me suddenly.
    ever since i have felt that i am living life very differently, i always thought i am going mad and some very ill disease has struck me, though i had a past with drugs and that too was a possibilty. after an year of holding my thoughts to myself i revealed it to my family when i was sucidal, i couldnt make the psychatrist or psychologist undestand how i felt. they diagnosed it as an anxiety disorder, later when i googled i came across a term DEPERSONALISATION DISORDER….it felt like it fits appropriately to what im facing… but then a setback came when i investigated that there is no cure for such a problem…
    out of all my experience guys, all i gotta say it whatever it is just take it positively even though it makes u feel like a dead person. enjoy the feeling as it wont remain constant, and i gaurantee most of us may have been ruled out DIFFERENT DISORDERS… this is a life changing article i read above- the 6 tips…IT IS EXTREMLY HELPFULL…u will still face situations when u suddenly become self concious again and when it happens, it will hit u even harder as u had diverted your attention tooo long, but that is exactly what u need to practice for a while, i dont promise complete recovery since i still suffer but i gaurantee it will keep you occupied from thinking wierd about urself and observing what you do all the time…
    the harder you fall, the stronger you become..just to point out the last thing here, stop searching on the web about what is wrong with u, indulge in searching a new hobby for yourself.. if i may be of any assistance to anyone i would love to be- promulgated_protagonist@hotmail.com
    feel free start up any conversation, u might land up benefiting me to learn more or vice versa. regards to all….keep smiling

  14. peri said

    Echoing the above comments, extremely helpful and informative site. YOu may be interested in Freeforming. The one benefit that practitioners report the most is a loss of self-consciousness, a letting go and losing themselves. They find the experience enjoyable ad energizing.I have this particularly in the case of people suffering from eating disorders who have a particularly harsh and self critical self-consciousness. If you are interested please visit http://www.freeforming.net.
    alll the best

  15. coco said

    Hey people… what if your like self conscience with your body like when you walk down the hall, do people look at the fat that jiggles? Or when your running in gym class, do people look at ur face jump up nd down from all the other fat that stays flat on your face? To look at all the skinny girls complain about the way they look and the way they grab the most microcopic piece of flubber, saying they need to go on a diet… because they feel fat, I’ve been dealing with this for 4 years now and I’m only a freshman in highschool.. please help on what to do, I feel like the guy I like doesn’t look with the beauty within but only see what the eyes lay in front of him.. everyday its getting worse and I can’t deal with being the fatty of the school…. I’m not over 200 pounds but I’m over 140…. I’m not the fattest person in the world but in my eyes that’s all isee… people tell me oh I see you’ve lost some wieght and I wanna cry because it feels like they r only kissing ass .. I need help on how to deal with it now, so I don’t have to be over the top thinking I’m the most fatteset person out there. Please help cuz noone at home seems to be… I need the advice of a stranger for this once!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. Hi,I identify with many of the situations described.I have been suffering from this since I was 12.I think that what triggered it was a problem that I had with a girl who didn’t like me.She said to me that she did not like the way that I walk,dress and talk.One time she even waited for me after school to beat me with 4 other girls.After all this I remember once looking at myself in the bathroom’s mirrow and noticing that my face looked different from the sides since my top jaw is foward.After this discover I would feel uncomftarble in any situation where people were able to see my face from the sides(like some one sitting next to me or when I had to walk pass a group of people etc).I can say that from 12-26 years of age the feeling of being watched wasen’t as bad.It was just an uncomftarble feeling but it would go away as soon as I started doing something or if I was very uncomftarble I would evade the situation.I can say that 2011 was the best year ever because I said to myself F**k if people look at me.But just 4 month ago I started a new job and every one was jewlous of me because just in two month my boss wanted to promote me as a kitchen manager.I had a lot of problems with the co workers and my confidence started to drop down.Again I started to be very self conscious,like to the extream because when ever I was doing something I felt that people were making fun of my face expressions and judging the way I was doing things.It was horrible I would get so clumsy and my mind would go blank.I ended up leaving the job because I had a lot of anxiety attacks.This situation is very hard because I loose focus on what I’m doing.Like if I’m driving with some one next to me I do silly things like parking wrong or missing my exists because I’m thinking,”Do I look weird driving? I’m I driving okay? etc.To make it worse I’m very worried because in september of 2012 I’m moving with the father of my 3 year old daughter.I keep imagining situations where he is going to see my face side ways and notice my flaws.I keep thinking man he going to see me sweeping the floor and I don’t want him to see me because I think I look very weird doing this..Wao! you must be think this are the most stupidest things but they really torment me!
    I hope the best for all of you going threw this and would like to know if some one has a similar problem of being very self conscious about the way their face looks from the sides.

  17. Thank you for your detailed analysis of the Self-consciousness, I have learned a lot more than I did. I often read the comments under the blog, and I have really enjoyed other peoples experience. I am just clicking around the site and I am very impressed! Keep up the good work. All the best for the future.

  18. Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon on a daily basis.
    It’s always useful to read articles from other authors and use something from other websites.

  19. Shad said

    I dont beleive in horoscopes but i realised people born in the months of august and september are generally self concious, am a #virgo and am concious about my scent, unlike others mine was triggered by a girl telling me am hot which broke me out of my caccoon, then i borrowed self confidence around all the girls til i realised i had a scent that came as i started over sweating, i crashed so low with a debt of self confidence to pay,…. Now i have to slow down when i bypass girls, press my armpits togetherand not make sudden hand gestures because of the sweaty scent, even worse girls who rub their noses even though its not scent related really starb me in the chest…I came here looking for answers, but am glad i found something else, a revelation that am not the only fish in the sea 🙂

  20. http://www.oshoteachings.com/osho-self-consciousness-is-ill-consciousness/

    this helped alot

  21. Hari said

    Hi Marcia, this article is really great. Helped me a lot. I am 27 and I feel I have been struggling with this all my life till now. Too much self conscious makes you feel so bad that you are just focused on yourself like running in a circle, in your mind forever. Its hard to make friends and have good relations with others because you are always focus about yourself, not thinking what they want or expect.
    Let me how I can add you on facebook or watsapp.
    Many thanks.

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