Love and Shyness

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Love and Shyness This is the story of Jenna and Chuck.  Jenna always considered herself to be shy.  She felt shy especially around the opposite sex.  Jenna was pretty sure she would not find true love.  Jenna was wrong.  In comes Chuck.  Chuck was attracted to Jenna’s beauty.  That was why he initially approached her.  Jenna was rather quiet upon first meeting Chuck.  That was fine with Chuck.  He liked the idea that Jenna was a thoughtful woman.  Jenna let Chuck speak.  She did not overpower him.  Chuck appreciated that.   

So they fell in love.  Soon they were inseparable.  Then they married and they are still together.  What amazes me is that despite this wonderful accomplishment for Jenna she still doubts herself.  She still feels shy.  She does not feel shy around Chuck. She does feel shy around new people.   Jenna is under the belief that she is lucky Chuck loves her.  She is thankful Chuck found her.  This really bugs me.  Why can’t Jenna let go of her shyness?  Why can’t Jenna realize that she can be with new people?   

I think I know the answer.  Jenna is not acknowledging her progress.  Jenna is not treating herself with the respect she deserves.  Maybe somewhere along the line Jenna learned that to love herself was wrong.  Maybe somewhere along the line Jenna learned that to love herself was conceit.   Jenna and I did an exercise that opened her eyes.  Jenna made a list of all her lovable, wonderful traits.  When she showed me her list it was tiny.  I was surprised.  I told Jenna she left out some traits.  I told her what I admired about her.  Once we started that conversation her list got longer.  Jenna was amazed at how large her list got.   

The next part of the exercise was for Jenna to look at that list every day.  If she felt more needed to be added to the list she was to do that also.  Jenna did this for a couple of weeks.  Then came the big test. Chuck was bringing someone over from his job.  Chuck was bringing over a stranger and Jenna was going to converse with this stranger.  Jenna was nervous.  Jenna was worried.  Jenna did fine.  Jenna was amazed at how comfortable she felt in the presence of a stranger.  Jenna realized that she had many wonderful traits about her that other people could enjoy.   PS it is always good to put something in writing. It becomes real.  It is something you can look at. 
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach

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