If you are shy you feel self conscious at times. I researched “self conscious” in Wikipedia.
Self-consciousness is an acute sense of self-awareness. It is a preoccupation with oneself, rather than the philosophical state of self-awareness, which is the awareness that one exists as an individual being. An unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness occurs when we realize that we are being watched or observed, the feeling that “everyone is looking” at us. Some people are habitually more self-conscious than others. Feelings of self-consciousness are sometimes associated with shyness or paranoia.
When feeling self-conscious, one becomes aware of even the smallest of one’s own actions. Such awareness can impair one’s ability to perform complex actions. For example, a piano player may “choke“, lose confidence, and even lose the ability to perform at the moment they notice the audience. This is a function of the psychological phenomenon of social facilitation. As self-consciousness fades one may regain the ability to “lose one’s self“. A person with a chronic tendency toward self-consciousness may be shy or introverted.
Unlike self-awareness, self-consciousness can be a problem at times. It is often associated with shyness and embarrassment, and can affect self-esteem. Psychologists frequently distinguish between two kinds of self-consciousness, private and public. Private self-consciousness is a tendency to introspect and examine one’s inner self and feelings. Public self-consciousness is an awareness of the self as it is viewed by others. This kind of self-consciousness can result in self-monitoring and social anxiety.
This does not sound like a pleasant way to feel. It seems like an energy drainer. It seems that while this is going on in your head not much else could be happening. It seems restrictive. It seems obsessive. Of course you know this. You experience this. I found a great article by Peter Murphy n how to deal with this.
How To Stop Feeling Self Conscious
By Peter Murphy
When you feel self-conscious it means you are putting too much attention on yourself, too much focus on what you are doing and how you are doing it. And this is a formula for poor performance.
The secret then to dealing with this problem is to become other conscious.
If all you do is shift your focus from self to others you will communicate better, perform better and become a far better listener.
Another positive consequence is that other people will enjoy spending time with you because it is so obvious you give them your complete attention.
Your goal is to become so fascinated by other people that your focus is on what they say, how they say it and why they say it.
6 Tips for Becoming Other Conscious:
1. Pay attention to the way people breathe, watch closely and observe the relationship between breathing and speaking.
2. Listen not just to what people say but the way they say it. Pay very close attention to speech patterns, changes in tempo, volume and tone.
3. Ask thoughtful questions to understand the way others think. Really strive to grasp why others think what they think.
4. Whenever your focus shifts back to the way you are behaving ask yourself questions about the other person so you need to pay attention to him e.g.
- What does he really mean by that?
- How does he manage to be so boring?
- How does she keep people so entranced with her words?
5. Use your imagination to change your mood and to keep your mind too occupied to be self-conscious.
You could for example imagine that the people you are talking to are wearing no clothes or inappropriate clothes. Why not have some fun, feel good and still enjoy a good conversation?
You owe it to yourself to find as many ways as possible to feel good. As I have said before excellent communication skills are more dependant on your mental and emotional states than on clever language patterns.
6. Use affirmations to condition a new belief about your ability to be relaxed and other conscious. For example:
- I am fascinated by the way people talk
– I give my complete attention to whoever I talk to
– I am an excellent conversationalist
– I feel fantastic when I meet new people
Use these 6 tips each day and you will be amazed at how quickly you become more confident with others.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for a limited time only at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
Let me know how this works for you.
Marcia, Your Confidence Coach